Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dad!
Dad who?
*Silence*
Joke Jokes
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hang ‘em?”
Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday?
They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Crackers.
Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9, my basement is still dark!
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
I guess that corn is a-maize-ing.
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
Wanna hear a joke?
YOUR MOM!
OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!