Joke jokes
Why can’t the baby cross the road?
Walls.
How do rabbits travel?
By hareplane.
What animal always breaks the law? A cheetah.
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
Don't crack this joke up!
What did the cat say when he took his new car for a test drive?
"Meoooow!"
Why did Elsa's dog run away?
Because she let it go!
Why did the pen stop writing?
'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
Ha ha ha.
Joke.
Me: Why am I an orphan?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: Ask your mom.
Why is Ronnie Anne like Lincoln? Because he is a softy about everything.
What did one nut say to the other nut?
A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."
Yo mama is so hairy, when you were born, you got carpet burns!
What is black and white and red all over?
Answer: A newspaper.
That is what my 3-year-old told me.
Q: What is the difference between a baseball player and an orphan?
A: One knows where home is.
Stranger: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Stranger: Not your parents.
What do you call an orphan's parents?
Dead meat.
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"
Me: "They are Parental Guidance."