Joke jokes
Women are like marshmallows because they are white, squashy, and we put our sticks inside you.
The F in "I'm orphan" stands for family.
But there is no F.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
Hey, wanna hear a joke?
My life :(
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
What did the female rapper say when her boyfriend pulled his pants down and exposed his huge balls?
“I like big nuts and I cannot lie!”
Knock knock. Who's there? Dees. Dees who? Dees nuts!
(Or dees nuts in yo mouth!)
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
A: Knock knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Package from Ted Kaczynski.
B: Package from Te-?
A: BOOM!
What did Hitler say to the sheep, "Baaarrrrrrr!" Hahaha, get it, sister? Am I rightttt?
What's the best way to get a man to confess to a rape?
Ask him to tell a rape joke.
Are you a haunted house?
Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.
MVP means: “Most Valuable Player.”
In Chuck Norris' case: “Most Vaginas Penetrated”.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What is it called when an art teacher has a heart attack?
An art attack!
What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.
Why was 10 afraid?
Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside of her? They are both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me."
(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)
What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?
The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.