Joke

Joke jokes

Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*

Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"

My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

Autistic jokes have been very popular recently. In other words, I've been very popular recently.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?

A lot of things.

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”

What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?

In the U.K., it's a swear word.

In America, it's a family reunion.

A kid in a wheelchair got hurt yesterday. I got detention yesterday because I told him to walk it off.

Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.

Why can’t orphans be criminals?

Because they’re not wanted.