Job jokes
I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.
A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.
But hay! It's in my jeans!
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.
How do you make a blow job OSHA compliant? You add a railing!
What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.
Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
What is the difference between paying $50.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from a physically challenged gay white male who is also a sex worker at a glory hole and paying $175.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from an able-bodied bisexual white female who is also a sex worker at a glory hole?
If you give $50.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from a physically challenged gay white male who is also a sex worker at a glory hole you are saving yourself $125.00. 💸😁