I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......
It’s a wood hulem.
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
I work at a bank and an old woman asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
A man goes into a job interview and sits down.
The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"
The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"
The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"
The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."
Why is a waiter good at math?
Because he knows his TABLES! 🤣
I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.
Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."
How do you make a plumber cry?
Break his pipes...
I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.
Did you know toilets, while you're at work, eat your toilet paper?
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?
I did a good job of being home from school.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."
Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."
I did a good job and walk walk home and walk walk to the car and drive. What is the difference between a good [what]?
I went for a walk today, and I did a good job of telling what time it was.
