Jew jokes

What's a Jew's favorite drink?

Mountain Jew.

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

Why do Jews suck at mugging?

Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.

What’s a money-hungry politician's favorite place?

Jew York.

There is a Mexican, white guy, a Jew, and a Black man on top of the Empire State Building.

First, the Mexican and the Jew throw themselves off of the building saying, "This is for my people!"

Then the Black man is next up to jump and says, "This is for my people!"

And throws the White man off of the building.

How are Jews and potatoes different?

A potato keeps its skin.

A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”

A Christian, a Jew, and a Catholic walk into a bar. The Christian says, “Where’s Mohammed?”

What is the difference between a black man and Jew?

One was born burnt.

Q: What is Hitler's least favorite grocery store?

A: Jew-Osco

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

What’s the difference between a Black man and a Jew?

One was born burnt.

What do you call a white guy who can actually dance? Jewish.

What do Jews and Black people have in common?

Living off welfare checks.

What do you call someone who is half a Jew?

Jew-ish.

What do you call the Illuminati when they take over the world and control everything?

The Jew World Order.

When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"

And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."

Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."

And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"

And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"

And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"

And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

Your race's favorite Star Wars Characters:

Arab...Admiral Ackbar (Allahu Akbar)

East Asian...Qui-Gon Jinn (Ching-Chong-Wing-Wong)

Jew...Rey (Ray)

Black...BB-8 (BBC)

Italian...Jabba the Hutt (Pizza Hut)

German...Admiral Piett (Hitler)

What does a Jew expecting guests say?

"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"

Who do the United States owe trillions of dollars to?

Jew-piter.