Itself jokes
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
I wish my grass was emo, then it would cut itself.
Why can’t orphans have a house pet?
Because its parents have it to itself.
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
Well, being an American is just a joke itself.
I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.
Have you ever heard of emo pizza?
It cuts itself!
I wish my grass was emo, so then it could cut itself.
I don't even know why to joke about America, it's a joke itself TO THE FUCKING EARTH!
Yo mama so fat, she's bigger than the universe itself!
What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D
Maybe Soy Milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish! (Soy means "I am" in Spanish).
I wish the grass outside of my house was emo, because it would cut itself.
A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.
Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?
Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.
Store owner: But still, why?
Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.
Store owner: Oh, I get it now!
How do you get your grass to cut itself?
Make it depressed.
What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?
A pickle.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she turned on the TV, it changed channels by itself.
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What do you call a banana that peels itself?
Appealing!
You don't need brains to be a Boss.
When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.