it's jokes

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

What did the person with no hands get for Christmas?

He didn't open it yet.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.

Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.

A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"

I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."

"Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"

Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.

I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.

Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?

The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."

When you ask your brother where his hairline is, and he points where it's supposed to be, and you say, "I don't see one there."

I lent my calculator to a friend. He is using it to this day.

Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?

Who cares?

When a plane is having turbulence, it’s just the pilot shaking the steering.

I made a website for orphans.

It has no home page.

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”

What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?

Any ideas?

SHIT!!!!

1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese, but it's only mild.

What time is it when you get home, can walk walk home and walk walk home from school?