it's jokes

An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?

A: Depends how hard you throw them.

Little Johnny once was at a camp and asked his teacher if he could sleep with her because he was homesick, so the teacher said yes. A few seconds later, Little Johnny asked if he could run his finger in her bellybutton, and she said yes.

A few seconds later, she moaned and felt so good, but it was not his finger putting it down her bellybutton; it was his dick and her penis.

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"

Serial murderer Ed Gein was famed for raping, killing, and skinning his victims.

When he was asked why he did it, he responded, "You don't know someone until you walk around in their skin."

Once upon a time, a donkey was in the jungle. Suddenly, he found a lion costume and then wore it. Then he walked around the forest, and every animal was scared of him. Then he got to the city, and every human was away from him. He was chasing them when he was chasing his owner. He brayed, and then they figured out that this was not a real lion, and then he told everybody about it. Then he berated his donkey.

Why don't some people like pennies?

Because it's common cents.

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins.

I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

Roses are red, violets are blue, it's really no wonder your mama left you!

Your forehead is so big you could land a plane on it.

We have life. I hope we have life. We have God in Jesus Christ. This is a good thing. It is a song part.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"

His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."

Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."

Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.

A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"

What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.

Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail its hand to the floor.