it's jokes

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

Why did the orphan get kicked off the baseball team?

He would never make it home base.

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?

Depends how hard they blow out the candles.

Why are people in Japan so thin?

Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.

There is an Afghan Barbie; it’s a blow-up doll.

Why do people hate abortion jokes?

It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.

Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.

After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.

It's in my basement.

Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.

How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?

Put barbecue sauce on it.

Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."

My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*

Me: Yea-

My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*

Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

Hi, I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hairdryer.

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?