it's jokes

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"

Me: power button.

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*

Me: Yea-

My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*

Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...

Then IT hit me.

It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.

Alabama gene pools are so shallow, when they freeze over, it's just snow.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.

I tried to high-five a tree. It left me hanging.

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to unlock her phone with her face, it said, "disconnected."

Your forehead is so big, a whole jungle grew on it.

I once told a chemistry joke... sadly, it got no reaction.

Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.

Butter believe it.

One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.