it's jokes
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"
What does it take to paint a wall red? Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
I was really rooting to tell that one.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
Do you wanna hear a joke about vegetables? Never mind, it's too corny.
I was kissing my gal when the phone rang. I answered it, and it was a prank. I walked into the room when my girl had sex with me. Then we cummed the house full XD
PS free sex at my name
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
It didn't want to get stuck in any more cracks!
I went to a muffler party... it was exhausting!
Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.
Do you wanna hear the gossip about butter?
Actually, I shouldn't spread it.
I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy, was my wife mad. She yelled "HOW CAN YOU F*** OUR DAUGHTER?!". Haha, yeah, she was mad.
Anyways, that's why your mother and I are getting a divorce, Timmy.
I had the best butterfingers yesterday.
I dropped it.
What did the south tower say to the north tower? It said: nothing.
9/11 joke.
Why is 69 annoying me? Oh, it's a tease.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!