it's jokes
An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.
The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
'Cause it was stapled to the chicken.
"Suck my sugar, honey, it's very sweet and juicy."
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."
"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"
"We're going with Trevor."
"Ok, what if it's a girl?"
"Then we'll have an abortion."
What does a deaf person do when they hear people scream? I don't know; it's not like they're gonna hear it anyway.
What time is it? It's time for lunch.
*Quoted by Bubble Guppies*
If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?
I made a website for orphans, but it didn't have a home page.
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
A dark joke is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
I AM SO SORRY!
Dad: How was your trip to the park?
Daughter: It was good until the man came along.
Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?
Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...
Dad: Oh God, what next?
Daughter: Nothing, that was it.
Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!
How did the toilet react when it received a gift?
That was so pot full (thoughtful)!
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
Why does everybody like the sun? Because it's hot.
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He could feel it in his bones!
I have a really good joke.
Do you want to hear it?
Oh wait, this is a bad joke website.
I have a joke about construction.
I'm still working on it.
What did the math acorn say when it grew up?
"Gee-I'm-a-tree."
Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?
It was called "S & N."