it's jokes

Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

What is large, grey, and it doesn't matter? An Irrelephant! Hahahahahahahahaha! Hahaha!

What is long, hard, and has cum in it?

A cucumber.

She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)

When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

Everyone give this joke a thumb's down and see if it can become the worst rated joke on the site.

What does a nosey pepper do?

It gets jalapeño business!

Why is a boomerang an orphan's favorite toy? Because it actually comes back.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mom." "Your mom who?" "It's not your mom, it's my mom!"

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and resell it.

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

I only have 4 moods:

• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you

I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:

• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything

and don't forget the inevitable

• fuck it

and for those who have just given up

• fuck

This is beautiful.

Why do tryhards use Fennecs? It looks better than the Octane.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He had no balls to do it.

What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park in it, man!

I was watching Avengers and I thought I saw a grape, but it was just Thanos.