it's jokes
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.
Did you ever see any white men drowning in the Atlantic Ocean?
Yeah, it went on and on.
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't change anything.
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
I don't know, but it's coming for the towers.
How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
Your hairline goes so far back your mom can't even reach it.
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
What did the tower say to its twin? "Hey, is that a plane?"
"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.
Your hairline so far back, it's a wide receiver for the Minnesota Vikings.
Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.
What do CG artists and porn stars have in common?
They both composite (cum pose it) at the end.
Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?
Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.
"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
What do you call Panera bread that has been weathered and eventually gathered and via cementation and pressure, it becomes a layer of different materials and is also one of the most common types of rock in the sea?
Panera Sed!
I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.