IT jokes

When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?

He didn't have the guts to see it.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

I wondered why the pitcher hadn’t pitched the ball yet.

Then it hit me.

What's 9 divided by 11?

Well, I know it's less than two alright!

Yo mama so fat even Dora can't explore it.

Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."

One day I had the munchies, so I ate a clock. It was very... time consuming.

What’s the difference a hooker an a drug dealer...?? A hooker can wash her crack an resell it.

A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"

Wanna hear a joke about measurement... never mind, it would take too long.

If you are on here, don’t hate. There will be rude ones, but it doesn’t matter.

Question: How did the cat cross the river?

Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.

Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.

Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.

Why did people bully the burning circuit?

It was too short.

How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!

Why do orphans get the small sized chip bags?

Because they don’t have a family to share it with. 😥

Want to hear a joke about a guy losing fingers?

Never mind, it’s too pointless.