IT jokes

What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?

Fitting it in.

"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?

Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.

🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷

My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?

"It will be over soon."

When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"

The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."

A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."

The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella," but he hesitated.

So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.

Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."

Why did the female orphan become a prostitute?

Because she wanted someone to call "daddy".

What do you call an emo committing suicide while filming it?

America’s Funniest Home Videos.

(lol)

Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.

Why do they call my dick section 8?

Because all the hoes are on it.

"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."

~John F. Kennedy

Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln

Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.