IT jokes
They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.
Explain Bear teaches us that explaining the joke makes it a billion times funnier.
They're teaching my 1st grader pronouns! Today it was he/she/they. Tomorrow, you/are/is!
My respect for you didn't just go through the roof, it touched the fucking sun!
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. It was evolution.
Why was 10 scared? Because it was scared of 9/11. And why did I have to take a fall? I have nothing to do with the big II.
USS Liberty. Never forget.
It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.
Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?
Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...
What’s the difference between toilet paper and a curtain?
So, it was you....
Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?
Because they are really committed to their cause.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do when nobody's home?
Beat it.
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.
Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.
A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
Your forehead is so big, explorers mistakenly thought it was Mount Everest.
Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.
Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.
Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.
Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.