Intelligence jokes
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
What is a kid who loves school?
A smart kid.
What is a dog that is awesome? A smart dog.
Retards.
He’s not dead, just his storage unit.
Why are baby elephants so smart? They hang out with friends!
Say "beans" fast three times.
Now you’re an idiot.
How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.
What's the difference between the Grand Canyon and a blonde?
The Grand Canyon is a busy ditch.
My friend: Yo stupid.
Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?
My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*
Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.
My friend: "Yo, stupid."
Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"
My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."
Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
What do you say when your brother has too many jeans?
"Gene-ious!"
Your mama is so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl!
How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."
Q: Why can't a blonde call 911?
A: Because she can't find the 11.
What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
One's a busy ditch.
How do you drown a Blonde? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a pool.
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
How does a well-educated graduate approach a delicate situation?
I don't know, how does a well-graduated education approach a what?
With a degree!