Intelligence jokes

I'm Canadian, and I admit we've done some stupid things. But we've never given nuclear launch codes to a literal retard.

You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.

USS Liberty. Never forget.

It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.

Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?

Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...

The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.

I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”

Trump cut funding for Sesame Street.

I think he's jealous that the characters on Sesame Street can count to 10.

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.

Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.

Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.

Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and orange Jello?

A. The Jello has a higher IQ.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they're so DARN STUPID!!!!

Trump wants people to think he's a great golfer. But the only handicap he has is a mental one.

Yo, you have the biggest Oliver brain, which means you are the dumbest boy ever.

Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?

You really put the R in special.

I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."

What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?

Lesbionage.

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people. You're much worse than that.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

Why are Asians good at math?

Because the dog can’t eat their homework.

The fool says in his brain, "There is a god."