Instrument jokes
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
Why was the piano waiting at the front door?
Because it forgot which key to use!
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trombone.
A drum rolled down a hill. Ba-dum-tsssh!
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
What instrument do orphans play?
The sax alone.
Make like a drum and beat it!
What kind of trumpet are you playing?
An "Donald Trumpet"!
Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"
Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
For fingering the minor.
What do you call two Hispanics with Parkinson's disease?
Maracas.
What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?
Organ harvesting.
Sans: What am I using?
A trom-bone!