Instrument jokes

Q: What do you use on your tuba when it breaks?

A: Tuba-glue.

After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?

It had excellent mussel memory.

Why didn't the drummer play?

Because he got a percussion.

How do clarinet players play a song?

They reed their music.

What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?

A trombone.

A drum rolled down a hill. Ba-dum-tsssh!

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.

What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?

You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!

What instrument do orphans play?

The sax alone.

You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

Make like a drum and beat it!

What kind of trumpet are you playing?

An "Donald Trumpet"!

Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?

For fingering the minor.

What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?

Organ harvesting.

Sans: What am I using?

A trom-bone!

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?

A tromboner.

Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"

Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."