Instrument jokes
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?
You can tuna guitar, but you can't tuna fish!
Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
Time to play guitar!
*absolutely shreds*
A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"
here's my dick pick
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
Sans: What am I using?
A trom-bone!
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
Bill Clinton is no longer playing the saxophone.
He is now playing the whore-monica.
I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.
Why are drums and autistic people the same?
They both go "uh uh uh uh uh uh!"
What do you call two Hispanics with Parkinson's disease?
Maracas.
What did the trumpet say to Trump?
"Hi, fellow trumpet!"
What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."
I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.
Today I heard someone playing "Dancing Queen" on the didgeridoo.
It was very Abba-riginal.
Q: What do you use on your tuba when it breaks?
A: Tuba-glue.