INS jokes
Why does it take three women with PMS to screw in a lightbulb?
IT JUST DOES!!!!
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker?
Hop in!
Poopies in my undies.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What did the beachgoers in North Carolina say when there was a tsunami?
Nothing, they died.
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.
Why are we depressed? Is it because of that bully in your school, or because you have acne? How about when you listen to your sad song playlist? Maybe it's because you have no friends? Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake? T^T
What does a cow use in school? A cowculator.
There are millions of people in the world, yet you are here.
What do you call an orphan with no legs in an adoption center?
Answer: Who cares?
How do you drown a Blonde? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a pool.
Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.
One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"
The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."
After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."
The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"
After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.
The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."
The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."
The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."
The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."
The first kid then says: "I know, right?"
They then begin a snowball fight.
The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
What's better than 5 babies in one dumpster?
1 baby in 5 dumpsters.
My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.
I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).