INS jokes
In the Middle Ages it was illegal for a blind man to become a king.
I mean, I don't see why not.
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
What's a popular name in China? Curiosity, because curiosity killed the cat.
What do royals and hot dogs have in common?
They're usually in bread.
When you start sweating after filling in "C" for the third time in a row.
Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?
Little Timmy walked in on his parents having sex. His parents look at him in fear. Little Timmy asks, "Mom, Dad, what are you doing?"
The mom replies with, "We are playing house. We'll let you play when you're older," the dad says. So the next day Timmy goes over to play with his friend Johnny, who was, ironically, Timmy's neighbor. Johnny asks, "How was your sleep last night?" "I saw my mom and dad playing house last night," Timmy says. "But they told me I could play with them when I'm older."
After a little bit of playing with Johnny, Timmy went home and saw his Dad playing house with his babysitter. "Dad, what are you doing?" Timmy asks. "I'm playing house with your babysitter," Timmy's Dad said. "But I saw you play house with Mom last night," Timmy told his father. "Well, don't tell your mother," his dad said.
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn't fit in the pot.
"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""
"You stabbed my brother!"
"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"
Poipole walks into a bar and says “poipoipoipoi.”
The bartender says, “Sorry, but in order to get takeout, you have to know how to speak a foreign language.” Poipole says “Pika!”
The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing!
Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.
Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.
Roses are red, Your blood is too. You look like a monkey and belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I will be there too, Not in a cage but laughing at you!
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.
After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"
The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"
The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"
"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.
The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.
"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.
"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.
"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.
"I was on top!"
All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.
"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.
"I'm having puppies!"
What do you call a pineapple in a pun?
A Puneapple.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
My penis is tied in a knot.