INS jokes
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."
My wife left me yesterday.
I haven't talked to the kids in a year.
Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!
Who are the fastest readers in the world? New Yorkers. They went through 110 stories in under 10 seconds.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To check in on his flat mate.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
How do you communicate to the dead?
Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
What do you call a guy on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
Why do people love camping?
Because it's in tents!
What do sperm say while just in?
"We need to go deeper."
Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?
...
You do realize that I said nothing, right?
Me: Exactly :)
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁
God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!
I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.
I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"