INS jokes

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.

What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

Where does a snowman keep his money?

In a snowbank.

An orphan was in 1st grade, and its teacher said to spell "parrot." The boy spelled "Parents."

What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?

Did you know my grandpa was in WW2? He killed Hitler.

There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.

There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.

What do a gay guy in a wheelchair and a tomato have in common?

They’re both a fruit AND a vegetable!

What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?

They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

Yo mama is so fat, she got locked in a weapon store, and she broke it down without any weapons.

Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."

And then the wall fell on them.

Why was the orphan happy that he got in trouble at school?

Because the principal was going to call his parents.

A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...

Why was the tamale in the hospital? Because he was a "tamalito."

What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."

Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?

Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.

Student: Ok!!

Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?

Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.

Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.

Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.

So, I was laying in bed and it's winter, so my room is always cold because the heater doesn't work.

And I was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then I laughed because who would wanna be with me. Hahaha