INS jokes
Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?
My Friend: What’s that?
Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"
Fat people: Do I look beautiful when I eat a pack of chicken?
Me: Yes, you look like a bunch of boulders crashing into each other.
Fat: Dang...
Me: Shut up, Jon Brower Minnoch.
Why do gay men like the filling in Hostess Twinkies?
It reminds them of cum. 😋 😍 😏 😜
What do Polish people in Poland use chop sticks for?
tweezers.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in school?
Answer: You shoot it!
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
🤔 What do Polish people 🇵🇱 🇵🇱 🇵🇱 in Poland do with 📰 📰 📰 📰 newspapers 📰 📰 📰 📰 after they are done reading them?
Use them for toilet paper. 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 😆 😄
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.
I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.
I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
Why was the chicken in trouble?
For using fowl language!
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
Warning, this is dark.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.
The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"
So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂
My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.