INS jokes
How to be a hero.
1. Tie a noose in your front yard.
2. Find and capture a furry.
3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.
It’s easy as 1-2-3!
A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.
Why can't I talk in the dark?
Because I'm anonymous.
Why can't pirates play cards in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?
They have no one to call "Dad."
What do you say when going for a dunk in basketball?
"Kobe crash!"
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
My dad died in 9/11....
He was a good driver.
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."
Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
He was looking for "poo."
What is long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cucumber.
When your cousin who has a lisp died from the impostor in Among Us,
"THE IMPASTA KILLED MEH!"
Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?
Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
Dad joke.
Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?
Because of a hole in one!
Why can't you have a tall dog? You will have pups in a week.