INS jokes
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
What do Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie have in common?
Why do orphans sit in apple trees?
They wait to be picked.
So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."
F*ck in' the poo.
I like touching things that have been in space. I was super excited when I got to meet an astronaut.
"Cummin in yo mama, cummin in yo mama."
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!
How do you scare a lot of people in New York?
Open a mobile hotspot named "Delta Inflight Wifi."
What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?
You just got fruit-rolled.
Just a pickup line.
"Ayo, bbg, are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in."
This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.
Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!
Can I put my baaaalls in yo jaaaaws?
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?
- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...
Q: How many emo kids will it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
I suck his dick with a smile for hours at a time.
Stare at his nutsack while I hold back my cum tonight.
And when he ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle." (And when they ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle.")
But the fact is I can never get off of his fat dick. And all that they can ask is (Ask is, ask is) "I just wanna smack it" (I just wanna smack it)
Here's what the fact is He can put my asshole in a casket (Yuh, yuh, yuh) Asshole in a casket
So you can see I'm cummin' But you won't see me nut. And I'll just keep on suckin', I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)
And if he sucks my glizzy I will become dizzy But it keeps us busy, I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)
I've been twerking for boys for so long I've been flirting with boys for so long
My jaw's been hurting for so, so long it's real So long, it's real, so long, it's real