INS jokes
She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.
What do pimps and farmers have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.
Can a person in a wheelchair stand up for themselves?
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.
Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.
Why can't an orphan go to school? He needs a parent admission form to get in.
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
In chess, why does the queen have more mobility than the king?
Because the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor.
In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.
You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.
What happens to the crow in the earthquake?
It turned into a milkshake. 🤔😂
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?
They are both nowhere to be found.
What is the only video game to be ever made in Africa?
Where's My Water?
What do feminists and tampons have in common?
They're both stuck-up cunts.
Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.
If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, then why was 10 afraid?
Because 10 was in the middle of 9/11.