INS jokes
Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.
Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.
I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...
My initials are K.M.C.
Which could also stand for "Kill Main Character".
Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.
I’m writing an autobiography.
Basically, the Twin Towers are Angry Birds but in real life.
What do White Castle sliders and Michael Jackson have in common? They have their meat in tiny wet buns.
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
What do K-mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have boys' pants half off.
What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
What does a middle aged man live in?
A retarded kid he keeps in the van.
What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?
Neither of them can see or hear their parents.
In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why do men get great ideas in bed?
'Cause they are plugged into a genius!
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
What happens to teeth when they go in water?
Bro, I dunno, they get wet?
What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids ride for free.
Hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes.
In fact, they hang with them!
Q: Where do you bury the people killed in 9/11?
A: It's already done for you.