Infant jokes
Why can't you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
What is red, pink, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What is green, brown, and goes round and round?
The same baby 3 weeks later.
What does a gas grenade and a baby have in common?
They both squeal when you throw them.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
what's worse than a baby in a trash can? A baby in two trash cans.
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
What do you call a Chinese baby?
Sum Ting Wong.
I got a pen for my baby sister. Best trade I made so far.
What happens when you put a baby in a blender?
The baby is a cherry smoothie.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
A boner.
Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.
What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?
The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an African baby?
A pair of jeans only has 1 fly.