Infant jokes
How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?
Depends how hard you throw them.
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender.
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
What do you call one baby in ten trashcans?
Chopped Junior!
I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, you just need to throw it hard enough.
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter your dick up a dead baby's ass.
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
Poop poop poop poop poop poop pp ppppppppppppoppppppppppooooooooooooooooooooppppppppppoooooopppp children pooooooooooooooooop in diapers.
I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
I am a dead baby. -end joke-
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Why did the United Nations stop the french government from using the guillotine in public?
because the french government was using the guillotine in public on newborn baby boys for circumcision.
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.
How do you get ten babies in a bucket?
With a blender.