Industry Jokes

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.

One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

No wonder some of the phones today have no home buttons. The makers were orphans.

I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.

Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends, the holder of the nation's purse, Fishi Rucksack, will launch a new initiative.

This will be to help the struggling "personal services" industry and will be labelled, "Sleep out to Help out."

I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.

Porn.

Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?

He got to cut himself.

Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.

Have you heard about my new can crushing job?

It's soda-pressing.

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?

Many soles were lost.

I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.

If Joey Deacon made his own company, it would be called The Joey Deacon Company; Walt Disney should have a run for its money.

P.S. The Joey Deacon Pictures logo would have some autistic people making noises to "When You Wish Upon A Star", with the castle being the Blue Peter ship instead.

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

Why were parts of the Soviet Union that had more industry than agriculture occupied during WW2?

They couldn't beet the Nazis.

I work at a tire shop.

I'm pretty tired.

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.

A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.