Immigration jokes
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
What is it called when Bill Cosby and an illegal immigrant fight?
Aliens vs. Predator
What is the difference between a book and a Mexican?
One has papers.
Why are there no Olympics in Mexico? Because everyone from Mexico that can run, jump, and swim is already over the border.
Why do Mexicans wear pointed boots?
So they can climb a fence easier.
"Bippity Boppity Boo, Donald Trump is gonna deport you!"
How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno? Because they're too busy stealing all the green cards.
Roses are red.
Your passports are blue.
Now go stand over there,
In that very long queue!
What’s a Mexican person’s favorite spot?
Cross country. 😉
What’s a Mexican's favorite game?
Borderlands.
I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
What do Mexicans call a wall? A ladder.
I am crying tears of joy rn.😭 I was wrongfully denied my visa. ☠️ They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted.
The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered "Pristiano Penaldo" 😭. I was right guys ✅🛫
Q: What's the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?
A: Stoners have papers.