If jokes

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"

If I were in a staring contest with you, I would be looking at a rainbow.

If you looked in the mirror, you would see an ugly person, which is you.

If chickens make chicken nuggies, does that mean dinosaur chickens make Dino nuggies?!?

CONSPIRACY!!!

If you're reading this, then good, let's stop this hating on this site! We can just get along, or if not, then don't say anything at all! "Kiss."

If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.

"Sonic Says", "If you're ever bored and have nothing to do, then just punch an orphan in the face. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?"

If her age is on the clock, she gets the cock.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 8 9.

But why did 7 eat 9?

'Cause you need 3 square meals a day :D

So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.

If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

One if you throw it hard enough.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

What will Sarah Thompson (Ninja Steel Pink) do if she meets the ToQgers (Train Super Sentai)?

They will TRAIN together.

Why is it so hard to tame a dog?

Because it's unTRAINable!

What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.

Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"

Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.

If you tell me to get a life, you're telling me to get a life better than yours!