New Identification Jokes

Ur hairline is like a Fortnite map at the start of a new season waiting to be identified.

90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.

Bros got barcode arms.

What do you call a kid with no arms and no legs?

Names.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints.

Ever seen twins?

If you said yes, was it before or after 2001?

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

Your nose is so big that Apple had to make a custom iPhone that unlocks using Nose ID.

What do you call a bottle of water flying over Africa?

A UFO.

What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.

Me being raped is like my birth certificate; it doesn't expire.

Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.

My name is Shelly Bobby... I don't know my last name.

If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.

*JMC*

ANOMALY-931

"Gwen"

Identification: just a stupid animal, with a big ass heart.

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

This isn’t a joke, but my name [is] Mr. Cheese.

I (DYM 99).

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"