A woman walks in to a dentists office sits on the counter and spreads her legs. The dentist says i think you have the wrong idea with that the woman replies last week you gave my husband his false teeth now you can get them out.
you know how sometimes you want to listen to music But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying even if its songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days? I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea just put in the freezer
A blind man handed me a piece of paper it said "⠊⠋ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠉⠁⠝ ⠞⠗⠁⠝⠎⠇⠁⠞⠑ ⠞⠓⠊⠎ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠁⠗⠑ ⠛⠁⠽" I have no idea how he knew.
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time
some one when thought the fly thought for pizza
What appears over Ash’s head when he gets an idea? A LightBulbasaur.
Who were the people that survived 9/11? The ones who decided it would be a good idea to jump
my sister was hitting on my boyfriend im 11 shes 9 she said go f.ck ur self so i said : "ok thanks for the idea"
I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike. Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would out and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle. It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today! beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that! will: Yey! beverly: What should we bring him? will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* come in the bucket!
New horror movie idea.
The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.
I miss seeing my friends and teachers
Orphan joke protest idea
What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi? One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well-shy deer.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what's so sad and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's head before they died". I replied "probably a bullet", she gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent's heads", I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?" Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
Why didnt the sun get a job,,,, seriously I have no idea why help me
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and i will try to make a joke based off the object.
If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.
I will give the person credit each joke i do.
