My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.
Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea
when my grandpa was 65 he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
he's 70 now and we have no idea where he is
A lady walks in to a dentists office, sits on the counter and spreads her legs. The dentist says i think you have the wrong idea with that the lady replies; last week you gave my husband his false teeth now you can get them out
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...
Then IT hit me.
I know the voices in my head aren't real but man so they have some good ideas
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
my opinion on abortion is very divided like, on the one hand I like the idea of killing babies but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye idea!
What Did Iran Say To Oman
Oh Man I Ran Out Of Ideas
Why would be hunting a bald eagle in America be a bad idea? Because it's ill-eagle
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer but they only had 2 dollars each. Christopher got an idea and run away to the butcher and see if he got something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys. - Are you crazy?! Said Tony to Christopher. 'We don't have any money!' - Take it easy now, said Christopher. 'I have a plan.' When they finnished drink everything up christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth. The bartender saw what they did and throw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub. After the 10th pub said Tony: I can't do this anymore. I am drunk and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk. - How do you think i feel? Said Christopher exhausted. ' I dropped the sausage in the 3th pub!'
My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.
I told him to stop being so clothes minded
LITTLE JOHHNY WALKS INTO LIVING ROOM AND ASKING HIS PARENTS MOM DAD WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSSBREED A BULLDOG AND SHITZU. THE MOTHER AND FATHER SHRUGS AND SAYS WE HAV NO IDEA JOHNNY WHAT DO U GET AND LITTLE JOHHNY REPLIES YOU GET A BULLSHIT
hi guys i feel forgoten lol i feel like a bannana peal...noone will talk to me oh i got an good idea we do a google meet!
I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea then Asked for his parents. God orphanages are fun to work at!!
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal and one man came up with a great idea. He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat , but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A woman walks in to a dentists office sits on the counter and spreads her legs. The dentist says i think you have the wrong idea with that the woman replies last week you gave my husband his false teeth now you can get them out.
