Ice jokes
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?
To make room in the freezer for his special meat.
My bf: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
My bf: Ice cream.
Me: Ice cream who?
My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!
When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.
Memes
The ocean will kill you to death expensively if you're on Titanic. Buying the tickets was a waste of money.
Why can't I have any chocolate ice cream for dessert? Because I made it disappear up your ass for good.
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
What do you call a wizard who uses Ice Magic? A: A Blizzard!
Yo mama so fat, she the ice burg.
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
School shootings are everywhere. In ice cream shops and even the woods.
Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?
To get the ice cream for the grandma.
What did the police say to the ice cream freezer?
Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?
A. Sunday school!
Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.
I sat down to eat some ice cream. The next moment, I screamed!
What is Batman's favorite food?
Justice.
Stephen Hawking, more like ice cream!