Ice

Ice Jokes

Mind

I had something about tripping over ice.

Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.

Head

Man 1: Knock knock.

Man 2: Who's there?

Man 1: Ice.

Man 2: Ice who?

Man 1: I crushed your head.

Boy

Why did the boy not cross the road?

Because he was on thin ice.

Rapper

How do you find a rapper in a snowstorm?

Look for the one with the "ICE-COLD RHYMES."

Baby

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

Rapper

How do rappers stay warm in the winter?

They wear their ice chains.

Titanic

What do you call a Titan who can't swim?

Titanic!

Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. It would be unthinkable. My version is imagine the Titanic with a lisp, it would be unsinkable.

What did the front half of the Titanic say to the other half when it hit the iceberg? I'm breaking up with you.

Sister

A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.

Cake

So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"

The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."

So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."