Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
How are gay people like mice?
They both hate pussies.
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.
Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."
How does a skeleton call his friends? ON THE TELE-BONE!!!!
How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?
Take off the wheels!
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
How do Americans learn the metric system?
9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?
Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?
