Howe jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know how to hit a home run.
How is smoking similar to oral sex?
The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢
Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.
How do you shut Helen Keller up?
You give her mittens.
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
Memes
Took me about 15 seconds of staring in confusion to figure out how the illusion worked
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
I found out how to gain millions of followers.
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
How do prisoners call each other? Cell phones.
Q. How do U get the emo out of the tree?
A. Cut the rope.
How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?
They both got bleached!
How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.
A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.
After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."
Wood fired pizza?
How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O
Please drop a like.
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."