Howe jokes
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
How do you call an American bee?
USB.
Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.
How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.
FEW!!!!!!!
Uranus be like, "Oh look, I'm Uranus. Imagine how disgusted I feel."
Memes
Why is death taken so lightly? It's terrible how people use it! (This is NOT a joke!)
Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?
Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.
Good morning, Gwen, how are you?
How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.
Son: Dad, how was I born?
Dad: Your mum's a hoe.
Son: OK, what's a hoe?
Dad: Your mum.
How do u make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles! Hahaha.
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating.
Your forehead is so long, even Einstein didn’t know how to cross it.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
How did Peter Cottontail get his swing on? He made love to Alice in Wonderland.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
How did the Iron and Gold start dating?
They met on TINder.
How much did the liver weigh?
It weighed a skeleTON.