Howe jokes

Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.

Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.

There's like a weird after taste though.

Kinda like a sparkling water one.

I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.

Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.

How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.

FEW!!!!!!!

Good morning, Gwen, how are you?

How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?

How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.

Uranus be like, "Oh look, I'm Uranus. Imagine how disgusted I feel."

Why is death taken so lightly? It's terrible how people use it! (This is NOT a joke!)

Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

How did Peter Cottontail get his swing on? He made love to Alice in Wonderland.

How do mountains get big?

They go trick-or-treating.

Your forehead is so long, even Einstein didn’t know how to cross it.

Hey John, how are you going?

Helium, yeah good, what about you?

(Hey Liam)

How does a skeleton kill a bug?

They SOCKET!

Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"

What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.

Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...

How did the Iron and Gold start dating?

They met on TINder.

How much did the liver weigh?

It weighed a skeleTON.

Hi, how are you doing today?