Howe jokes
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.
How do you turn a hairy man into a feminist?
Just take out his brain and there you go!
Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
Memes
Me at a restaurant
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
Q: How did Helen Keller break her wrist?
A: Reading road signs.
As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
How many babies does it take to paint the side of a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you make Olaf hard? You tickle his snowballs.
How do NASA plan parades?
They plan-et.
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?
Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
How do you find out the price of an emo? You scan his barcode.
Is your mom a virgin?
Mine is.
How am I alive?
You tell me.
How did the orphan die?
Of sadness.
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
How many fingers am I holding? I'm not holding any fingers.