Howe jokes
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
How many babies does it take to paint the side of a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you make Olaf hard? You tickle his snowballs.
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
Memes
How do you find out the price of an emo? You scan his barcode.
Is your mom a virgin?
Mine is.
How am I alive?
You tell me.
Q: How did Helen Keller break her wrist?
A: Reading road signs.
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?
Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
How do you turn a hairy man into a feminist?
Just take out his brain and there you go!
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
How do NASA plan parades?
They plan-et.
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.