Howe jokes

How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?

The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?

Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.

The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.

The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."

How do you spell racecar backwards?

racecar

How do you spell racecar sideways?

Paul Walker's death.

My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!

How do you give a redneck a circumcision?

You kick his sister in the jaw.

How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?

They are all boomers in the end.

Many were curious about how methane ended up on Mars.

I'm pretty sure it was because of Uranus.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make them clap until their parents come back.

How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?

Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.

Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.

And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.

How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.

A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.

How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?

It never gets old.

How do you call a virgin girl in Alabama? An orphan.

POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"

How does a penguin (however you spell it) build a house? Igloos it together!

How do you check that a rabbit is old?

You check how many gray hares it has.

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."