My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.
How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they sit in the dark and cry.
Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.
How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"
Q: How do you know if a gang of Chinese people robbed your house?
A: All the rice is gone.
Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!
Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?
What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?
Telephone? No.
Television? No.
How then? Tell a woman!
How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?
You get a good connection.
How do you make a handkerchief dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
How can you tell a bow n' arrows scared?
He starts to quiver! ;)
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
