How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
Howe Jokes
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we watch through.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.
How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?
They have a dot in the middle of the head.
How do you anger a democrat?
Don't tell him the truth.
How to not exist: Kys.
*Titanic was sinking.*
Passenger: Hey, captain, how far away are we?
Captain: Two miles.
Passenger: Which way are we going?
Captain: Down.
How are orphans like broken pencils?
Neither of them have points.
If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.
How do you know if an Asian is a failure?
Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.
Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
