A man is walking into the woods with a young boy.
Boy: “Hey mister, it’s getting dark out and I’m scared.”
Man: “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
Howe Jokes
How do you know your Dad's been fucking your sister?
His dick tastes funny...
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
The big hand is on the little hand!
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
How do Asian parents name their baby?
They drop a pot down a flight of stairs.
I once saw a noose joke.
I wanna know how to make one :D
How are an orphan and baseball different from each other?
A baseball game has a home run.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make them clap until their parents come back.
I'm about to tell a dwarf joke, see how short that was.
How do you know when you're disliked?
When they always give you the camera for group photos.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They told her to go find the light.
