Why is "Frozen" a good movie for orphans?
Because they know how to "let it go" when their parents went.
Howe Jokes
How do you keep a bull from charging?
You take its credit card away.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
How do oysters call their friends?
On shell phones!
How do blondes play real-life Jenga?
By stacking humans.
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
How many fingers does the Dragonborn have?
Four fingers and a Thu'um.
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
How do you make a juggler laugh? You tickle his balls.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
