Howe jokes
Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?
A: She kept stepping on a rake.
How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You dress her up as an altar boy.
Memes
no words
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!
Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
Question: How bad is German WiFi?
Answer: It's the wurst.
How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
The big hand is on the little hand!
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
How do you blow up an Indian? Press the red dot in the middle of their forehead!
🤣😂😆😁