Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
How 9/11 Happened!:
Hey Bush, Truth or dare?
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?
How much did the haulla-cost?
How do emos propose?
"Would you like to join my family tree?"
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."
