Howe jokes
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
Memes
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
How 9/11 Happened!:
Hey Bush, Truth or dare?
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?
How much did the haulla-cost?
How do emos propose?
"Would you like to join my family tree?"
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.