Howe jokes
Teacher: Describe a penguin.
Student: Black, white, beak.
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
Memes
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."
How 9/11 Happened!:
Hey Bush, Truth or dare?
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?
How much did the haulla-cost?
How do emos propose?
"Would you like to join my family tree?"