Howe jokes
Kid me: I lost my stick.
Teacher: No, you didn’t.
Kid me: How do you know that?
Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.
How does a priest purify water?
Boil the hell out of it!
How do you turn a Chinese person into an American? Put a bag of ice on their eyes.
How did the orphan become famous?
By "go[ing] big or go[ing] home."
How does an emo kid compliment one another?
Like your cuts, G.
Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.
A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.
How dairy!
How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke?
When it leaves you and never comes back.
How do you talk to a giant?
Use big words.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
How does a train eat?
It goes, "chew chew."
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Gay.
Gay who?
You're gay.
How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀
Me imagining how Batman's hairline looks like.
Nobody: Me: His hairline kinda do look like a Batman symbol.
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice. Wipe your bloody cock off on her favourite teddy bear after you’ve finished raping her
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"