A guy goes in to get some tests done, the doctor comes out and says "I got good news and bad news." The guy says "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says "The tests cam back positive, you got 2 weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin her."
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg. She got really scared and yelled at the doctor telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
one day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead I called his parents.
Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)
Caller: "Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?"
Operator: "Yes, you can speak to me."
Caller: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!"
Operator: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"
Caller: "I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent."
Operator: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?"
Caller: "Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital."
Operator: "Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"
Caller: "You are so rude! Who are you?"
Operator: "I'm Saw Lee (Sorry)."
Caller: "Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital, apparently the doctor said to the nurse you can discharge Mr Hawking now, so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
Where’s the best place to spawn camp at the hospital? The maternity ward.
So your in a hospital you barely survive your suicide attempt you see one of the scalpels you finish the job
doctor: i'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left. man: what?! what about my family??! my son is still missing! i can't just leave like that! doctor: don't worry sir, i told your family. man: that's.. great.. if they found my son, tell them that i love him more than anything and i couldn't keep that promise. the doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes. doctor: i will... dad..
tq for reading my crappy joke
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive"
here some questions firesharky, 1-What color hair do u have? 2-Whats MY parents names? What hospital where u born in. 3-What state where u born in? Do not say i dont know.
I got a heart pain the I went to hospital when the doctor says I am dead but I run then I jump I am not dead
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence...
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine, and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes. The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
Doc: can I help u? Girl: doctor I have pain in my heart? Doc: when did it begin? Girl: right now ( seeing hem like doll ). Doc: hh..do you like me? I know I am handsome... Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. U just look like someone I know. Doc: Who is that? Is ur boyfriend? Girl: No, it’s my pet ( rabbit) his name is Rokie.
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals? Because he can’t sniff their hair.
Fella walks past a mental hospital, there all out in the garden behind this big fence . All SHOUTING 13 13 13 13. Ect Over and over again ..
This fella is intrigued sees a little hole in the fence Looks through it .. GETS FUCKING POKED STRAIGHT IN THE EYE ..
Then they all start singing
14 14 14 14 14 14 ;)
A young woman goes for for her first gynecological exam and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute. The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful Vaginas he’s ever seen and he has seen Lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes num num num num num!!!
One time a kid came to the hospital and said “I really need help”, the kid said he was really hot so the put an ice cold towel on him. Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems and he said “yes I am really hot” and the doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said “are you sure, you look amazing” and the kid said that he ment to say I look hot!
Why is there AC in hospitals? To keep all the vegetables fresh.
