Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.
You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.
I always park in handicapped spaces at the hospital.
Just to test their patients.
A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.
The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.
You were born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
Someone walked into a cancer ward and asked for a skin fade.
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
Why did the doctor check out Earth?
He had a tummy quake.
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
What’s the most common name for cancer patients?
Luke (leukemia)
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
So, a blind man got run over by a car... a parked car.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left.
Man: What?! What about my family?! My son is still missing! I can't just leave like that!
Doctor: Don't worry sir, I told your family.
Man: That's... great... if they found my son, tell them that I love him more than anything and I couldn't keep that promise.
The doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes.
Doctor: I will... dad...
Tq for reading my crappy joke.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
